Self Pity Poem

She came back to visitagain.I almost didn’trecognize her this time. Shegreeted me with hug and grinso I let her in.We laughed and criedover bitter coffeeand charming storieswhile I burned inside.Behind smiles and small talkwe passed the day until nightcrept upon us again—then she leaned in,gently held my faceand said:“Don’t you wish you were knownlike I know you?Shown care and respectlike I show you?Visited and loved?Oh, poor you,it seems you’re unlovable, unpleasing,a beast—look at them all leaving,saying they love youbut staying far awaywhere you still seem tame,and running when they thinkof passing time with the trueyou, inside your cage.Oh, I truly weep for you.‘Ogre!’ I hear themsay of you.Tell me,how do you endure?”I told her(while she scooted closer),“I was wonderingwhen you might think to leave.It’s getting late, you seeand time, it seems,is wasting,and I…I don’t know,I don’t think we should be…”“Oh, but cut to the chase.You know you are alonewithout me,misunderstood,and if the world couldit would rather dowithout you.Answer me!What do you believeis the point of you existing?”By this timeshe had pinnedmy shoulders to the backof my creaky chairand her tears,flying from eyes of lightning,were nickel-sized,dropping with thunder,flooding the floor below.“Please just stop this,” I cried.“I see what you mean,but I’ve believedyour report beforeand I—I was left lifelessuntil He revived mebreathing grace in timethrough truthinto me—”“And who is he,this man?Oh, don’t you know,”(now she was cackling)“what happenedwith the rest of them?‘Friends’who said they caredfor you just to—”“But it’s true!It’s Truth!His Words are different:perfect, set,proven, pure,a surety for me.An anchor of hopekeeping me steady whenthis flood of regretand depressionoverwhelms me.And you know what He told me?”“Save it for someonewho enjoys fairy tales,little princessbut I—I am a realistreally recognizing what it really is:you,(and this is the truth)you are hated.Consider the facesof the ones youconfided in.They are either goneor frowning at you,wishing they never met you.”“Stop with your dressed-up deceit!You multiply kissesjust to smother mewith thoughts of myself,my worst enemy.You view me with regardtoo light, though:it seems you delightto stalk me.See:you are rightwhen you say I’m unlovableand a creep;perverse, a beast cursedto destroy everyone around me,a leech thirstyto suck the life out of these ‘friends.’Indeed,sweat pours from my poreswith perverse idolatry and blasphemies—you are right.But your indictmentis not enough to describe me.Try again.And when they treat me with contemptit is actually better than my condition hasprescribed for me,because I was born more than beastly,in my rages with passions more unnaturalthan what even beasts dare to seek,and they do merely what they were made to do.It is ‘I’ and ‘me’who refuse to bewho we were created to be,who we once used to see,unveiled and beautiful.Just an ogre? No.I am much more deformed,for our former glory was greaterand now I feast on things worse than feces,yet blame everyone around mefor all my spewing…”“You, an ogre? A leech?”(now she stood with spread feetand hands on hips)You are not thosehorrible things.What have you been reading?Worse than a wormyou claim to be,but I’m telling you:you deserve some respect,some affirmation from the world.You haven’t lost all dignity!Fight for your rights!”“But my rights have diedalong with the old meand I no longer need to striveto save my shattered reputation with man,even with these ‘friends,’because Hebecame my sin for meand I,I now am His righteousness.His perfect life of love is mineand I am His.So even thoughI know littleof the depths of my depravity,He set His covenant love upon meand proved its sufficiencyat the cross and tomb left emptyto deliver me from His just wrathand rescue me from me,from you,Self-Pity—”“Why,how dare…that is NOT my name!I am your friendand I have remainedfaithful to yousince you were a babeand I…”“Oh, but you can know someone betterwhom you’ve known for lesstime. And He’s known mesince before the earth was birthed;loves me with a love timeless.You don’t know this kind of gracebecause all you do is look to me,but please!I am no longer me.”“What logic!Riddle me this:how can younot be you,which means,how can younot be me?”“It’s a divine mysteryhidden until recentlythat Christ,the Second Person of the Trinity,should see fit,through His Spirit sent,to dwell in me,changing my namefrom “Self-Seeking”to “His.”Him in me, and Iam hidden in Him,united to my righteousnesswho reigns in Heaven,interceding for me now.Although I invited you inagainto my near demise,but for His faithfulnessto me,to keep me from utterself-destructionand the desecration of His great Name.You see, He…hello?”I looked aroundfor even her shadow’s hintbut she must haveslipped out of the houseagain.